F.A.C.E. of Lupus

Get out of NEUTRAL!

2012-01-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!! I pray that all had a wonderful Christmas Holiday and were able to relax, enjoy family and be merry - I know I did. :) As we enter into the new year, everyone; especially churches want to put their resolutions, declarations, themes and mantras in the atmosphere, "All is well in 2012", "I'm not going to hell in 2012", "Pookie ain't going to jail in 2012" LOL - whatever it may be to get people inspired. Well, on New Year's Day, My Pastor, Spencer T. Ellis and Lady Tracey gave us a word and right now faith to go along with it; our message was, "The bleeding stops now", taken from Mark 5:25-34. In this passage, there was a woman who had an issue of blood for 12 years and nothing and nobody could help her. It wasn't until, she got in crisis mode, or experienced "Code Blue" that she got in the press and made her way through the crowd to just touch the hem of Jesus' garment. It was her press and right now faith that healed her.

In the last 6 months, things have been so unpredictable in my life, from my health to my finances. I just recently concluded a series of EPO injections and I'm still running back and forth to the Dr, because the kidney creatinine #'s are still fluctuating. Aside from the physical drain all this has taken on me, I am still dealing with the psychological aspect of having to still be going through all of this after all these years and now around the holiday. It was very tempting for me to get stuck in the state I was in, but I knew that wouldn't get me any closer to my healing, so I am pressing. I'm meditating now, which has been so helpful and God has shown me in just a week's time that he is hearing my prayers. I've made every effort to not be in neutral, my comfort zone, my state of existing in what I'm facing, but I'm in crisis mode and if I can just touch the hem; I will be okay. My source of bleeding may not be yours, but whatever it is, it's been an issue for you/I for far to long and it's time we press and get to the ONE that can stop the bleeding for good. Don't allow 2011's bleeding keep you stuck, check your gear shift - press and watch God work a miracle in your situation.

But GOD.........

2011-12-14T07:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems like forever since we've last chatted; I hope everyone is having a blessed week. Things haven't been the best, yet I'm holding on to God's promises. On Sunday, I realized the rash that I noticed over a week ago on my chest was not in fact my Lupus, but Shingles. Of course I was totally freaked out when I went on Google (LOL) and diagnosed myself. I immediately took a picture of it and sent it to my Drs., who confirmed that "yes" it was Shingles. I was already scheduled to go into the office for an EPO shot because my hemoglobin was low, so they were able to assess the rash. After giving me my shot and calling in my prescription, my Dr. brings in another Dr., the Transplant Dr. Dr. Kahn is part of the Transplant Team and was kind enough to sit and talk to me about my options regarding my current kidney status. After asking a few questions, he asked what stage of failure I was in currently. I responded at a 4, dialysis is 5, failure is 6. I told him that my Creatinine # was 3.5-3.8 and fluctuates. He said that I wouldn't be able to stay at this level too much longer and asked how long I had been there. My response was, I've never been under a 3 and I am usually at a 3.5 or so and have been since diagnosis. He was astonished! His response was "really, that usually isn't the case. Most people can't stay at those levels for more than 5 years." I smiled inside, because what he didn't know was that I wasn't most people, I was/am a Child of God and what happens to most, can't happen with me, "For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock." Psalm 27:4-5. But God!!!

My First Lady Tracey Ellis taught on this very subject last year.....BUT GOD!!! When things are supposed to be one way according to the medical world, logic or physics God can always turn things around in your favor and make you the exception, the example of how great he truly is. I left that Dr.'s office thinking about all the "BUT's" God has put in my situations and everything that I have to be thankful for, in spite of what I'm currently facing. According to the Dr.'s, I was supposed to have been on dialysis years ago, BUT GOD!! After 20 years, I still have 50% kidney function.When I was diagnosed and placed on cytoxan, I was told my hair would fall out, I would have diarrhea, vomiting and nausea after each treatment, BUT GOD!!! I never lost one strand of hair, I never had nausea or vomiting, and as a matter of fact, I would get on the Lansing City bus after my treatment and attend my 7:00 pm class back on MSU campus. I know of several people with this disease that live in constant pain, are in and out of the hospital, and just aren't able to live a quality life, BUT GOD!!! I have never been on any maintenance drugs for pain, I have never been admitted into the hospital for my Lupus and I have never been unable to enjoy life. Even as recent as Sunday and discovering that this rash was Shingles. I saw the pictures and read some of the posts of those that suffered from this and all I could do was thank God. Some of the pictures were horrific and the pain they documented was even worse, BUT GOD!!!!! I have two small spots on my chest and although painful, it didn't require any type of maintenance drugs to treat. So, I say all of this to not only encourage you, but to encourage myself; when everything around you seems bleak, think about what God has kept you from and brought you through. Know that anytime there's a "BUT", it means that there is a contradiction, exception. Don't allow statistics and medical reports or even your friends and family dictate the outcome of your situation. How things work out for everyone else, it won't work the same for you. Trust and know that God is into making exceptions; which means there's a "BUT" in there for you.

Kleenex Anyone....???

2011-12-09T07:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday Everyone!!! I'm up, not quite at 'em, but I'm up and thanking God anyhow. I have had a rough couple of days, but I have managed to still smile and keep it moving; even though I want to just break down and cry. I received my labs back and they hadn't gotten worse, nor improved, but I am now anemic; which means I must start EPO injections. Man, this sucks, are my thoughts, but it explains my extreme fatigue. All through the day, its' on my mind, "God, how much more can I take?", but I'm at work, so I can't allow myself to truly break down. On my drive to run errands, every song that comes on seems to speak to my situation and I just felt the tears roll, but again I'm not in a place to really break down - I'm driving. I get home and I am really feeling bad, so I decide to cut my night short, but not before watching the X-Factor. Last night were the eliminations and I watched the phenomenal Rachel Crow stand strong and brave and tell the judges that she would be "ok" with whatever decision they made regarding her fate as she stood in the bottom two. Well, all of that courage and strength went left field when her name wasn't called. She did everything but waddle in the floor and kick (LOL), I mean she balled as if this was her last shot to ever become famous. As she cried and pleaded, she turned to her mother and father in her state of vulnerability and asked, "do you promise that this is not the end?" I immediately had a revelation. God, I need to cry and I need to know that your PROMISES to me are still going to come to pass. I let go of everything that I had within me and I just cried and cried and cried and I felt that God was saying to me what Rachel's parents said to her, "yes, I promise." I truly needed to release that and sometimes we all need a moment of release. We don't always have to wear a smile, because sometimes our situation doesn't warrant a smile - even Jesus wept; however, you have to learn how not to stay stuck there. Marvin Sapp's song, "Find your place of Worship" says "that every tear you cry is water for the garden of your victory. And even though, you're in the valley, victory comes through your adversity." God is bottling every tear my friend, so let it out and allow God to water your garden, because your victory is about to harvest. Get READY!!!

Do you MIND???

2011-12-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

Sorry, it's been a few days since I posted. As I stated, my initial plan is to post daily, but I want to be in God's will and purpose, so I want to post as the Spirit leads me. This weekend was pretty uneventful. I pushed myself to do some things that my body really didn't want to do and I'm pretty sure the Devil wasn't too happy about it either. :) I was still achy and have been for a few days now, so I finally decided that I should probably take some Tylenol and it's helped. Last night, I was awakened with muscle spasms in both my legs and an extreme case of diarrhea. I want to attribute them both to the Lupus and the meds, but truth be told I think it was the 4-inch heels I had on and the cherry chip cup-cake that I had to eat at midnight (don't judge me). LOL Anyway, today was the day for me to repeat my labs and I contemplated not going today and putting it off until tomorrow. I wasn't really sure what it was that made me feel that way, but I had to shake it off because I knew where it was coming from and what it was, fear! After leaving, I was still feeling a little anxious, but I had to remind myself of God's word: If we asked any thing according to HIS will, he heareth us: and if we know he hears us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him. 1 John 5:14. So, here, I've pressed, prayed, believed, declared and decreed and the days arrives for me to go get my labs and I shrink back in fear- The Devil is a Liar!! I had to decide right then and there what I was going to allow my mind to run with.....God's words or the Devil's lies. I chose to go with who I know is batting 100 for me, God. His word will never return to him void, so I changed my thinking and I feel good no matter what because I know that God is still in control.

What we must remember when we're going through our situations is that prayer works, but you have to pray with confidence. The long and short of it is, you must know that if your requests align with God's word, then he has to do it. He said it! Now, does this mean that we won't be fearful at times, sure we will. God said he didn't give us the spirit of fear, but he also didn't say that we wouldn't have fear. What he has given us is the ability to counter-act fear with our faith. We have to be willing to change our mind-set just as quickly to support God's word as we are to support the Devil's lies. So starting today, work on being in control of your thoughts, DO NOT allow a thought that does not align with God's Word to rent a room in your head - NO SQUATTERS ALLOWED! If it doesn't belong there, evict it and padlock the door. It's not always easy, but practice makes perfect, so why not start right now.

Confident Expectations

2011-12-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Friday and I am truly ready for the weekend. Although this week has been a roller-coaster of emotions, anxiety and at time stress, I still awoke every single morning expecting God to do something miraculous for me - yes, EXPECTING! And how befitting is it that our Women's Conference hosted by my anointed First Lady, Tracey D. Ellis would assign the theme this year to be "Confident Expectations". What's even more ironic is that I declared and decreed at the beginning of 2011 that I was EXPECTING God to do great things in my life in the year 2011, notice I said expecting, not wanting. See when there's a want, it gives the impression that you can take it or leave it. But when you expect something, you are alert, looking for it, and will not stop looking for it until it happens. Think about a check that you're EXPECTING. You don't say, "oh well, if it comes, it comes". NO! You are at that mailbox every single day, sometimes twice a day because you know it's on the way. We need to have the same attitude when it comes to the things God's promised us.

Although, I have had some things occur that I didn't plan for, I do know that God is still in control and I'm still EXPECTING him to do above all that I can ask or think, according to the power in me in this year and years to come. It ain't over!!! God's hasn't thrown in the towel, so neither will I. If you need the job, car, house, healing, peace, joy or whatever it may be, get a spirit of EXPECTANCY in your heart and speak it over your life and wait for God's glory to manifest.

To eat or not to eat.....that is the question...????

2011-11-30T19:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I've had a pretty good day to do for the most part. My overall energy level appears to be returning back to normal and my body isn't aching, so I'm feeling good - right? Wrong! Again, here comes the master deceiver, good ole Satan. I tell you this guy never quits. I'm currently on Prednisone, which keeps me eating and gaining ridiculous amounts of weight and Cell-Cept, which keeps you running to the bathroom, which is terribly inconveniencing - so I'm truly in a catch 22. As I'm walking out of the bathroom for the 5th time today, I catch a glimpse of myself and immediately got frustrated. Good grief I think, I just started my workout bootcamp class 2 weeks ago and now all of that has gone down the drain. As I begin to think this, I immediately think about how superficial I'm being. Philippians 3:3: I put no confidence in the flesh or on outward privileges and physical advantages and external appearances. I put my confidence in Jesus Christ and I glory in Him.

So ok, I gain a few extra pounds....I'm still here. I still have the activity of my limbs, so with God I can! I have to take this approach not to appear vain, but simply to put the enemy on notice to let him know that he's not stopping anything. If I go to class tomorrow and do one jumping-jack, I will be there. :) Now take that Devil! LOL

If you've lost hair due to chemo, gained weight due to diabetes, become unemployed due the economy or whatever it may be, emotionally or physically that's keeping you from believing that you're fearfully and wonderfully made, place your confidence in who/what is perfect, Jesus Christ....the one who made you in HIS image.

Faith without works is dead!

2011-11-29T13:13:00.000-08:00

As I sit here and read the blog that I put together less than 24 hours ago, I start to wonder, "what took me so long?" Have you ever been given something, a vision, an idea or a word to give someone, but you just couldn't bring yourself to move on it? Well, this has been the story of my life, not moving on those things that I know are truly from God. I can sit here and make thousands of excuses why this hasn't been completed or this hasn't been started, but the reality is I just didn't have the faith in myself or my God to get it done. My desire to be healed will be met, but the word states that "faith without works is dead." God is merely saying that we must put action to our faith. God worked miracle after miracle in the bible, but all of them required something from the individual seeking to reap the reward. For instance, Moses parting the Red Sea required him to stretch his hand out over it, and then God caused the sea to roll back. The two Mary's at Jesus' tomb were not sure how they'd roll the stone back at the tomb, but went anyway and discovered the Angel had already did the work for them. Oh, and the one I absolutely love is God taking the mud and spit and placing it over the man's eyes who was born blind? The man was still blind when God instructed him to go to the pool of Siloam and wash. Huh?? Umm, God, I'm still blind here you know - is how the man could've responded, but he didn't and he put his faith into action. Our participation is symbolic to our faith and desire to be in God's Will.

What seemed so foggy to me 24 hours ago is now picture clear. God has already done the work, it was our faith and movement that will bring our miracles to pass. God already has my healing, just as he has yours or your deliverance, peace or joy, so let's stop finding reasons not to have them. This blog is just one of the many things that God has given me to work my faith, I can no longer consciously sit back and miss all that God is trying to give me. I challenge you to think of that thing or things that you know you should be doing and just go for it. What are you waiting on?

Are you still there?

2011-11-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

Monday, the day after the Thanksgiving Holiday and I’m feeling some kind of way. My weekend was good, there were a few set-backs, but I, with the help of the Lord am going to fight the good fight. Just last night, I experienced a mental melt-down, but I knew it was all a trick of the enemy. I had just heard a message preached by my anointed Pastor, Spencer T. Ellis, “God is pulling you out of it”, a series that he’s preached for six weeks now and I felt I was READY to take on anything that I was currently facing; I guess the enemy knew that too, so he immediately tried to counter act. What a fool he is! As I am getting ready for bed, I begin to smell what appeared to be ammonia. I am baffled by this, because I don’t clean with ammonia, don’t even have a bottle of it in my home, but the smell is somewhat profound. I stop and do a breathe check and sure enough, it’s me; why is my breathe smelling like ammonia? Against my better judgement, I do what every human being does to find out what/who/where and how, I turn on my computer and begin to Google. Why do people do this; especially when most results will have you picking out your casket? LOL. So, I Google and the results say, “renal failure”, which sends me into a frenzy because I forgot to tell you that I am living with Lupus Nephritis a chronic auto-immune defincency that attacks your major organs, your kidneys primarily. It probably wouldn’t have spooked me so bad, if I hadn’t received my lab results, that showed a creatinine level of 3.6, failure being a 5.0. Lord, what is going on? Your word says that you’ll never leave me nor forsake me, but I’m not sure you’re here with me right now. Where are you?

My journey began in 1992, at the age of 16, I began to experience symptoms of what appeared to be arthiritis. I would cramp and swell up, so much so that I couldn’t walk at times, but every doctor I went to for almost a year misdiagnosed, or just couldn’t figure it out. After a year of symptoms, I experienced excruciating pain in my left leg and couldn’t walk, which troubled my parents and they immediately rushed me into the ER. It was there that God sent two angels, Dr. Noreen Rossi and Dr. David McAree, who properly diagnosed me with Lupus Nephritis. I was 17, a senior in High School and a full plan for my life, but God had a greater purpose. I didn’t know that at the time and didn’t know anything about this disease, but it was my innocence that got me through. My only question to the Dr., “Am I going to die?” After hearing their response, "no", I decided in that instance that I would keep on living. Now, some 20 years later, I am still living and thankful for each day. Even with cytoxan, predisone, biopsies and countless other procedures and medications, I have still managed to go to college and get two degrees. I have a great career and great family support. I have never been in the hospital for my Lupus, other than when I was diagnosed. Yes, I have had my set-backs, but I have seen way more good days than I have seen bad. So, to go back to the initial question, “God where are you?”, he’s still right there. He’s never left me and he’ll never leave you.

When the enemy comes in to plant a seed of doubt, shake him off and remind him that he has no power because God didn’t bring us this far to leave us.